I love smoking cigars. If you read One Marine’s View often, you probably already know that. However, It can be tricky enjoying a cigar if you are new to it if you are taking advice from the local “guy” in the neighborhood or your Uncle Bruno. Many think they know the ends and outs of enjoying cigars, many just look like a window licker.
Why smoke cigars?
There are many reasons, relaxation, tradition, celebration, or one of my favorites is it creates a nice “idiot repellant” aka cigar smoke that is affective when disrupting protests. I have closed more deals over a cigar than I can count. In Afghanistan and Iraq, I would tell tribal leaders, when this cigar is done, I’m getting up and walking away so cut the bullshit and tell me what I need to know or no candy for you. Ladies are actually starting to smoke cigars just as much as men now (so hot) and many know what they hell they are doing. It’s not just a “guy” thing, many ladies will enjoy a nice Maduro just like anyone else……(so hot). Here is more on the “Why”
Below are a few tips for ya to look and act like a seasoned cigar smoker even if it’s your first stick.
Where to buy cigars?
Ok, plan ahead or spend a little more money is a good way to think of it. If you go to your local cigar shop, most likely you will see an older gentlemen in there with hair growing out of his ears and smoking a cigar. His mental thought is “$200 just walked into the store” and he will more than likely try to sell you $9-$12 cigars that you really don’t need. If it’s for a special occasion (wedding, Birthday, Fathers Day etc) I recommend you order on line at a couple places. 1) Cigar.com or even 2) Cigar International or even 3) JR cigars. Why? Because you will get the best price and more than likely a few freebies thrown in. However, If you like to give your money to old dudes I can give you my pay pal account number.
What should I buy?
If you are a beginner or basically don’t smoke 2-3 cigars a day, go easy man or you will see Jesus and Elvis. What I mean is, buy light brown tobacco cigars. Stay away from the Maduros, double Maduros or you may be fertilizing the front yard after you “enjoy” a cigar. Not cool and usually the neighbors dog comes and eats your yak which is a party spoiler for sure.
These are “light” tobacco colored leaf cigars (safe) for beginners. You will smoke cigars again and wont visit heaven.
These are Maduro cigars or aka Mule kicks to the chest cigars (what I like) but I have been smoking for some time. If you start with these you will experience a high rate of back arching, swearing, seeing Jesus vomiting. Be careful!
A good all around gift for that guy or girl that is a infrequent cigar smoker or just getting started in this habit or I should say hobby, a basic sampler is a good choice. Like this.
On the other hand, if you are buying for a frequent cigar smoker, more than likely they have two or three brands they really like. Find out what those are and buy those. Easy win!
Cigars come in many sizes and ring gauge size (that’s what she said). Ring gauge is the diameter of the cigar. I’m a 62 ring size which is usually a big ol beefy Maduro cigar….tasty. However, different strokes for different folks. Consider this when buying cigars if you don’t know exactly what they usually smoke or if buying for a beginner. Read more about size here.
Another good tip, if you are just starting out is to have a good meal in your gut before you light up that baby in 102 degree weather on an empty stomach. I’ll hold your hair back for ya. Now, I light one up in the first thing in the morning, but I’m used to smoking them, those that are not use to smoking them, again, take it slow, eat and light up a light colored cigar and guess what, you will be fine and enjoy the smell of freedom.
How do you cut a cigar?
There are dozens of ways to cut your cigar however, if you don’t cut enough, it will be hard to draw, if you cut too much, it will burn fast and most likely come apart on you (not good and you look like a novice). Here are tips on cutting your cigar.
How do I light a cigar?
Ok, it’s not a cigarette, or a joint or whatever, it’s a freaking cigar. It will take some time to light the bad boy and this is where many screw it up, get uneven burn and again, look like a 16 year old who stole their dads cigar. After a few times lighting your bad boy, you will get the technique down and be lighting up in a heavy wind storm, driving down the road, calling in air support or while your mother in law is visiting just fine. Here is a video if ya just can’t break the code on it.
How to store your cigars
The glove compartment box of your truck is not a good place to keep them. Nor is your back pocket or your desk drawer. The best place to keep your cigars is in a humidor with about 70% humidity. These babies are an investment and when/if you buy a few at $20 each, you will want to keep them perfect. Sure, its ok to keep them in a ziplock with a small humidifier sponge in the bag if you are going golfing, flying with the blue angels or driving a tank, but keep them out of the sun or they will dry out and yet again, come apart making every avid cigar smoker looking at you and laughing.
Are Cuban cigars the best?
Well, here are my thoughts. Every time I run into some chump who is quick to tell me he has this perfect Cuban stick I think, buddy you have more money than brains. Why? Because during the embargo, many of the Cuban cigar growers fled to other places, taking their seeds and techniques with them,. Hey, they had to continue to make a buck. So now, many of those Cuban cigar makers are making just as good cigars in other locations. Usually, someone sold Mr Chump a dried out knock off cigar and told him it was a Cuban, charged him a shitload and because he has a small man complex or whatever, and he wants to quickly display how savvy he is with his recent Cuban purchase. Hey bro, whatever. Can I borrow $50k? If you bring me a “Cuban cigar” I’ll match it with a cigar under $10 and in most cases, it will be even better than your $30 purchase. Just my two cents. Don’t get wrapped up about the whole “Cuban” deal.
What not to do with a cigar
First, if you don’t’ know or aren’t sure what you’re doing, ask. If the people around you are too pompus to help you, find a new place to smoke, quick. However, when cutting your cigar, start small, you can always cut more off. Light it, if it doesn’t light after a few seconds, perhaps cut just a little more off. Inhaling, don’t do it(in my big father voice) because you will most likely for sure puke your guts up. Ash, let that baby burn. Usually a good indication of a good cigar is the ash will stay on the cigar for about a half inch or more. But hey, don’t be “that guy” who is afraid to move with your cigar because you have to prove something with your ash length. We will know your a bafoon. Just tap it off into your mother in laws fine china and your good to go. Here is a bigger, violation of the cigar gods. If you are given a cigar, make the decision, yes, I’m going to smoke it or not. I can’t tell you how many times I have open me casa to fellow Marines, yes even Marines and offered them a cigar. They say “ya sure been dying for one” when actually this is probably the second cigar they have ever smoked and ya, they grab one of my $20 stick which is fine as long as your going to smoke it. But here is where I see bright lights, and start to shake, they smoke it for about 15.7 seconds then smash it out on the grass or somewhere where I won’t see it. C’Mon man, your killing me and yes, I saw you rookie. Don’t do that. Bad…..bad.bad. Regardless, don’t walk around with your cigar hanging out of your mouth like some old lady in Vegas at the slot machines. Sit and enjoy it, take a puff and rest it on your knee. However, there have been times when you can’t put it down and I have mastered sneezing with a cigar in my mouth. Master it you will young Jedi.
In the end, opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one and I hope the above can/will steer you in the right direction when burning one or, helping that special someone not look like a window licker.
Time for a C-Gar