Drivers

For all that is holy, who in the hell drives 30 in a 45  zone? Weather is good so no issue there…no, just an idiot driving singing Koom by freaking ya to themselves as they waste their life away….I can’t pass because it’s a double yellow line…..when I am able to pass…wait for it, they are on the phone.  I shit you not I am this freaking close to putting the all mighty Mad Max ramming bumper on my truck and introducing these types of drivers to Nascar.   It’s even worse when these  tools talk or worse text and turn in front of you and then give you the go to hell look. I swear, im this close to beating one of them., with their own phone.

News flash, slower traffic, your ass belongs to the right in a multi lane highway. Yes to the right in the I don’t care if I die because Im a looser and don’t have an agenda today “right” lane.  Or the I don’t have a freaking thing to do today except screw with people trying to get to work. Ohhh I know all the other 2 million Americans get it except the ass hats in DC….in front of me in the left lane, doing 45 in a 70. If you are in the far left lane, and doing 5-10 + the limit and some nut amped up on coffee gets behind you…..move your ass over a lane…to  the RIGHT and let him pass.  Once the hell storm passes, fine move your “im scared Im going to get a ticket” ass back over. But when all you see is bumper at 70+, honey, move your ass over, I got shit to do.

How about the morons that want to hit their brakes for the wreck to see what happened. Whats going to happen is that you’re going to be worse off than the idiot that crashed that was driving 40 in a 70 zone when the Mad Max truck bumps you into another time zone.  There are idiots that tap tap tap their brakes while in heavy traffic that otherwise would be moving if you didn’t start the mother of all domino affect brake taps.

Life was so good in Iraq, hell they all knew the golden rule, when hummer with guns comes down the street, get out of the way.  I would love that here but these morons would just give me a cold dead body stare and continue to be mouth breathers as I pass.   I actually motioned for a guy to hang up his phone because he was so involved in his conversation he sat through a green arrow, then of course realized what happened and ran the red light, screwing us allllllllll.

Old people, sorry get your ass off the road if you cant see. Im sorry tootsie  but you take (or suppose to)  take a test for a reason.  Here is a tip, when 6-12 cars pass you when you are doing 7 in a 35 and yelling nasty things about you…… your going below the  speed limit and frankly raising a lot of peoples blood preasure that only do bad things when their preasure gets that high. (Grand Ma, soory for yelling at you today)   Hell pull over and fix your hip but hell don’t do it in front of me in the middle of traffic. Crap!

I had probably one of the original Titanic survivors in front of me yesterday, stop in the middle of the road at an intersection.  Cars peeling off to prevent from slaming into one another going every F'ing direction avoing a wreck. I figured, crap she has a mechanical problem as I see her get out of her car. So I pull off the road, hit the flashers and walk up to assist. Nope, not an emergency, Grandma just thought it was a good mother freaking place to stop and put her gas cap back on. I'll tell ya for the amount of scratches on the paint, this thing has been hanging on for life for  a few days dangling by a little piece of plastic. I was so pleased to find out she was ok,  I could shit!

I actually have one of the loudest air horns available that works very well when asshat joe is F’ing it for everybody while he talks to suzie the nasty girlfriend on the phone and decides to talk and make an illegal left turn across double lines, in heavy traffic.  BAAAAZOOOOM Alice, straight to the moon!

Sorry for the rant, but again, for all that is holy, try to follow some of the simple rules read here. You might live longer.

Comments

  1. haaaaaahahahaha!! Someone have a bad day? Remember, I’ve always been up to be your .50 cal gunner so if you mount one on your vehicle….

  2. Let’s not forget the standard PG County cop cars doing 90+ WITHOUT lights or sirens, while talking on cell phones, many without seatbelts on. Having moved from Germany where they DO know how to drive, to DC where attitude is rampent, really hurts. We moved to Indiana, where they still don’t know how to drive, but there are fewer of them 🙂

  3. This was too funny! I’ve already had it with So Cal traffic and I’ve only been back here since Feb.
    But no one is worse with the the 45 in a 65 or 70 than in NC. It’s a disease there. Made me want to do very mean things to those people. 😉

  4. Hey G…come to Kansas…the ONLY law recently passed out here that makes sense is that now it is a ticket and a fine for those that continually to drive in the left lane unless passing on a multi-lane highway..(whew…hows that for a run-on sentance)..anyway the turtles are finally moving over!!

  5. I feel your pain, Maj. Pain. 🙂 That’s not just life in the big city – that’s life in little towns, too. I spend most of my driving time cussin’ a blue streak.

  6. You just made my day!!!! I’m still crying from laughing so hard.. Knowing what you drive and hitting that air horn…. Dude, you’d scare the living hell and everything else outta those old ladies ( remember I’m one)and the old men bouncing along at their 9 miles an hour… Can hardly wait to show Alice your story!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! FUNNYFUNNYFUNNY!!!

  7. It helps to remind yourself that you are surrounded by morons when you drive. This must be done as a mantra… ” I am surrounded by idiots, I am surrounded by idiots, I am surrounded by idiots,etc….” until zen-like nirvana is reached. If that doesn’t work just flip them the bird…this will not actually accomplish anything positive but you will feel better.

  8. You have more rage driving here than in Iraq? That is just wrong. When I was reading it I thought “Hey that was the 101 freeway this morning.” I guess it’s the same everywhere.

  9. Oh man, do I hear you! There seem to be more and more slow pokes who insist on driving in the fast lane during rush hour. What’s up with that? Of course it always happens when there is a break in traffic and you could get up to speed for a few minutes, if they’d move their butts out of the way. I wish I had a laser or something that would shred their tires and MAKE them pull over. But you know, these morons would probably just stop in the middle of their lane making it even worse. AARRGGHH! LL, you’re welcome to ride with me any time!

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