Ways to keep both fronts happy
As you battle the daily contingencies while being deployed, not much sleep, sharing the heads with 100 of your closest buds, and dinning in the swahut of food, you still have to balance that juggling act back home.
Although you miss birthdays, wedding anniversary’s and moments that will never be brought back except for pictures and stories from you kids you know your mission deployed is important and so does your spouse. However, without divulging all the Op Sec in the world, your spouse doesn’t really “get” what you’re doing, and if they do, you probably peaked over the Op Sec rules. So you try to tell and explain to them all the little corks about being deployed, the funny stories of people getting locked in the port a johns, sun crazy dogs chasing you as you try to PT, having all sorts of bugs crawl up you leg at night and finding dirt in every crease of your body, good times!! You try to minimize the bad because, well they are bad and you don’t need to stress out the home front when there isn’t anything they can do about it anyway.
You have to be creative. Before you deploy, write down the important dates (mainly for the deployed men, cause wimins are way ahead of us on this fellas) and have a plan to celebrate them, even if it’s only with a phone call from you. There were plenty of special dates that I celebrated with a remote phone call to that special loved one and that was that. I was lucky to do that at times. But, when you can I have found that giving someone you trust back in the states, envelopes with dates on them. One date is a week before the wife’s b-day. Your friend opens it and it has instructions in it and cash to order flowers, a dinner certificate or a confirmation slip to get one of those smelly girlie manicure things that smelly wimins like….sheesh.
Anyway you get the jest of it. Trust me gents this can be done during half time of a foot ball game (unless Jessica Simpson is performing, then all bets are off) and it will make you a super star. I had to go to plan “B” and call a certain manicure/massage/smelly girlie salon pot puri sneezing place from
. Urgh, (yes, Id rather be tortured with bamboo strips under the finger nails but I had to make the call) the lady on the other end of the phone was helpful, got me all set up after I explained what it was for and where I was calling from (middle of the night standing like a big target in the desert) and then I was disconnected. Called back, got a different receptionist, started over, went through it all again with the static phone……….got disconnected again due to the high blowing winds on the satellite connection. A few deep breaths………whostafsa, whoooostafa (Anger management) and made the call again. This time although I could still almost smell the burning candles and pot puri crap. They were able to help me quickly before I got cut off again. Booya, set for another year.
It ended up being a success and a good tactic from a deployed service members stand point. I thought well, I think I will attend my own spa here in
. I peeled off the smelly socks that would make any Rottweiler cry like a puppy off my stanky hoofs and watched the small animals scurry from the area,(One Marine fainted, no shit) and threw my clothes that probably should have been burnt into a trash can to wash in later. Took a nice 120 degree heated bottle of water and poured it on my feet and as the Chenoble temperature water scorched the fungi in between my toes I imagined my self in that pot puri filled salon, began to sneeze as a dust devil about blew me over. I tell ya if it weren’t for the diesel fuel exhaust from the local generator or the stank of the dead rodent under our hooch, I could have believed I was really in one of those $100 saloons.
Lighting up a big stoag and cranking up some tunes on the MP3 player the sun continued to kill off the toxins on my hoofs and air reached places that hadn’t felt it in days. It’s all in perspective I spose. Why have to go make a reservation, go sneeze your head off in some fufu office and all, when you can sit in the middle of the desert surrounded by a couple hundred of your Haji locals, remained armed to the teeth, smoke a big cigar and air the dogs out? Perhaps I can incorporate this into the Hadees weight loss club, it will have a “hoofs” department where guys can go get treated like kings, smoke cigars with the game on the TV, velvet pictures of Elvis on the wall and an occasional not so far off shout of “Cold beer here” from “female college interns”. Playboys on the counter top and a friendly bookie that cuts hair while you wait. If I can only figure how to factor in a nice Steak served with all the fixings it will be perfect……….Ya, that sounds good.
Sandstorm from hell & my email is in the shitter so I will respond when I can. Launching the currier pigeon as we speak………