1. Dear Captain Borehound (yawn) –
    It has come to our attention that you are running a covert SMOG (smut blog) through your Yahoo account. This simply won’t be tolerated no matter how many jollies you get from reading that dirty-dog smut. Bad Boy!
    You have left us no choice but to bunker-bust your email until you clean up your act. Clean up your hard drive too while you’re at it.

  2. Aw, crap! I didn’t realize this was still going on…and on and on…
    CG – I got a Lcpl “Pete” off and he really is a Stand Up guy!
    Semper Gratus from a Freaky Wild Thing! (kinda like JP’s crack-head hausfrau brigade)

  3. Concerned grunt, I almost lost my cereal with your anymarine comment!!!
    But I don’t think you need worry. I’m sure the Capt. has attracted all of the Wild Things and will keep them for himself as I haven’t seen this level of, well, what would you call it, interest and affection anywhere else!! Either that, or he’s the only one who knows how to loosen otherwise sane wimmins inhibitions!!
    As for AF Sister, oh she gives up just too much info (she’d be bad at Opsec!). If she gets too far out of hand, I’ll have to run across town and straighten her out!!

  4. Seaurchin –
    have you heard from AF Sis lately?? Anyone???? I’m worried Cap B ordered a hit on her for starting this whole FLASHBANG.

  5. Concerned Grunt,
    If/when you get deployed I hope you will be an contact. You need a very special care package and so will the people under you at the rate you’re going. I will adopt your bunch and send you very special care packages as you sound very loyal but need to lighten up a little bit. Just special enough that Marty won’t complain but good for moral nevertheless.

  6. Ditto Karen I…Concerned Gunt you do need to sign up with AnySoldier when you deploy…see what fun supporters can be…and where else can you get Iceepops in summer in a desert!
    And back to the theme du jour…our servers overheated at work today and the IT guy said they were having trouble “loading and firing” file information when needed…choking and giggling as I hung up….this topic is infectious…NOW I understand the virus….

  7. Yo Gunnutt – WOW I was watching CNN ‘cuz they got a Hot Alert about some new kinda trash hitting cyberspace – SMOGS. At first I didn’t believe it but you know it’s MSM so it’s gotta be true.
    Then I checked my emails and CG told me you said some really nice things about me to some of your lady friends in your church sewing circle. Thanks!!!
    Ya know I crossed paths with Cap B over here before he shipped out and he shared a stoag with me. Hell it coulda been a stoag one of you nice ladies sent over. We were shooting the shit and Cap B told me about some of his favorite things. I know how you ladies are always nashing at the bit for some personal DETAILS about the Cap, and I think he’d be ok with me sharing these goodies with you, so here goes:
    What’s Cap B’s favorite:
    Quote – I’m sooooo DOWN with that
    Song – Get DOWN Tonight
    Place to be – DOWN on the farm
    Food – any DOWN home cookin’
    Place to travel – DOWN under
    Place to shop for his wife – DOWNtown
    and finally …
    his favorite yoga position – say it with me – DOWNWARD DOG
    Well nice chattin’ with all you sweet ladies. I got a mission so I gotta run. Be sure to say hi to the Cap for me.

  8. Furthermore, Concerned Grunt needs to be in the calendar as his hard drive has not come in to question. It should boost his moral,too.
    Taco’s former bunkmate needs to be included in the calendar because he needed to hold his helmet in a vertical direction for the picture.
    Bridgett,sympathize the loading and firing problems.

  9. Gee whiz Karen and Bridget that’s a damn fine offer and all for those very special packages but I just don’t know how Cap B handled all you women and got any work done over there in Iraq. I mean sometimes I think he must not of HARDly worked and you know I plan to work REAL HARD ALL THE TIME if I’m deployed. I’ll think about that anymarine thing though – maybe if you told me a little more about what makes those packages so special (without breaching opsec, of course) I might do it.
    And Karen what do you mean by “lighten up” ‘cuz me ‘n my boys weigh only about 125# each, but every one of us packs a mighty big pistol and those things are HEAVY. It’s not like we can leave ’em behind ‘n stuff ‘cuz … ‘cuz we boys use ’em a lot.
    Ya know I’m real worried about AF Sis and I don’t know what Cap B might have done with her. So me ‘n the boys are headed out for a little search and rescue. If any y’all got any ideas where to find that babe-a-licious, shout out on the SMOG.

  10. No sign of AF Sister ( it wasnt me)…..really! But Ive got a booster for my RAM so hopefully email will be “UP” soon!…….were all going to hell! LOL…….DownwardDog…..I love it!!!

  11. I’m here! I’m here! I’m here!
    I’m just donning my kevlar. Protection ya know… gotta have it in the heat of the moment, er um… BATTLE. yeah… that’s it!

  12. Oh great. Now we gotta send a locate and recover unit out for Concerned Grunt. Hell he doesn’t even know he’s gonna be in the calendar and he’s out there risking life and limb for that (dare I say) floozy AF Sis who’s working up a jones for some other Joe. Any volunteers to find that little guy packing the Big Heat???
    Downward Dog – I told you we shoulda taken our comedy act on the road when you got home. Some of your kittens could definitely have come along for backup. Rule #1 for any user is your HARD drive ALWAYS requires backup.
    Say g’night Gracie.

  13. Kittens – I think Cap B is gonna be real DOWNhearted if none of you touch his Yahoo Thing. He threw that Mega Bite out there this morning and none of you have even chewed on it.
    I know Bridget’s got a thought or two. Here Bridget, I’ll get ya started:
    Y – You
    A – Are
    H – HARDly
    O – on
    O – Overdrive

  14. B – assuming your RAM is ever up and email GTG, best not to let the whole harum scarum know at once. Could crash the whole freakin’ I’net!!!!!

  15. I’m shocked.
    I just can’t believe the level of smut and innuendo you allow on your blog, CAPTAIN!
    Ok, enough of that pious indignation….
    I saw you said something about a Mega Bite, but from what I hear, and I love me some Marines, so I hear a LOT, you boys fall into the Peta Bite or Yotta Bite categories. Is that last one like Lotta Bite? I digress. Anyway, the way I hear it, ya’ll go EXTRA LARGE!!

  16. Raider 6 Raider 6 It’s Lima Tango 12… can you hear me? I mean do you read me… or is it do you copy? SHIT I wish I paid more attention in radio school.
    Anyway I’m at the corner of (squawk) and (squawk), and have not located our babe-a-licious, I mean our hot tottie, er make that target. I’ve gotten visuals on Mrs. Diva and Chtrbox and some girl tried to show me her Silly Pants, but no AF Sis sightings.
    Oh (squawk) speaking of (squawk) sightings, I saw Elvis. NO SHIT. He was just leaving the (squawk) building, but I’m sure it was him ‘cuz he fluttered his fingers at me.
    (Squawk) What? I AM !!! I AM focused on the mission at hand but you know I’ve never even SEEN AF Sis and all these broads in Kevlar look alike to me.
    Me and the boys talked it over and we’re gonna stop at (squawk) to pick up a new calendar that just came out. Tony said it’s some kinda Marine calendar; I sure hope it’s that one about the Gone Wild Girls from Bravo Platoon 7. After that we’re gonna head to (squawk) and (squawk) ‘cuz Seaurchin thought we might find AF there. If not, we’ll head back to (squawk) WHOA just had a mother of an incoming but we’re all GTG. So we’ll see ya back at the hooch at (squawk):00. Have those Stoags fired up. Over and out … (or is it Roger that good buddy). Anyway Raider 6, I’m gonna hang up (squawk). Lima Tango 12

  17. Hey B where’d all your male supporters flee to??? The only one brave enough to post on the SMOG was JimBo and he was pushing drugs so that doesn’t count.
    Those guys must be afraid to go anywhere near their hard drives – EVER AGAIN !!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. Hey Cat…how about
    Y a’ll
    A lways
    H ave
    O odles of
    O …..opinions– that’s what I was thinking honest!(you were too of course, huh?)
    We are so bad!

  19. LOL good one Bridget. We ARE bad and ya know what’s good? Doing all this silly laughing and joking with Captain B and knowing he’s safely home instead of in Iraq or Afgh. That’s the Biggest YAHOO of ’em all.
    God Bless America and all who keep us free.

  20. Ms Behaving, seems you’ve overlooked da Grunt! He’s the one male that just can’t stay away…despite his “I’m not signing up at anymarine” load of BS!! You know he’s lovin’ this – otherwise he wouldn’t keep comming back for more! Anyone counted how many times he’s been here???? Was my math correct when I counted 7 times!?!? Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I do believe that is more than anyone else!!
    Your actions are speakin’ louder than your words Grunt. You know you want this! Perhaps even enjoying it! You just can’t stay away! So just sign yourself up at anymarine and make your post identifiable (keep an eye out ladies and report back here). I’m sure the Capt. won’t mind a little sharing.

  21. Well sure he’s a male, but is he a Man?… A Manly Man. A Crusty Marine. A Dirty Dog. I mean, in spite of Capt B’s embarassing “shortcomings” of late, I think all us chickadees would agree that He’s a Man with a capital M. (c’mon the guy’s DOWN IN THE DUMPS; let’s give him a boost up)
    Let’s see if Grunt can find AF Sis (who hasn’t been heard from since she donned her kevlar and went looking for Joe) or if he can even make his way back to the hooch. Let’s see that pistol he’s packing so we know if he’s really calendar material.
    I don’t want to be TOO HARD on the poor guy when he’s obviously just a baby jarhead (I think the Marines call ’em GerberHeads) but let’s see how “everything shakes out”. Karen and Bridget seem to have gone a little too SOFT on the guy but maybe they know (or have seen something) about Grunt that he hasn’t shown the rest of us yet.
    If we knew who Raider 6 is, we could track him down and see if Grunt made it back to the hooch with or without AF Sis. Anyone???
    Well at least Grunt’s got the radio so all you ham hounds if ya pick him up on any channels, patch him through to the SMOG.

  22. Ms. Behaving, I may be sleep-walking here, but don’t put Concerned Grunt DOWN, unless you know for sure what he’s packing. He’s here alot as he is concerned. As I am, too. We need variety in our calendar which the Major better get going on soon if we’re going to have it in time for 2007.
    No, I haven’t been shown anything as my husband would be pissed but I am almost clayvoyant about these things though the above commentary definately helps my visions.Night Night!

  23. Yo Raider 6 (squawk)(squawk)
    Raider? 6? 6, ya there??
    Yo Raider 6 (squawk) (squawk)
    Hey Tank, that dude’s name is Raider 6, right?… No shit?
    Hell these guys change their freakin’ names as frequently as they change DRIVERs. How we s’pose to keep ’em straight?
    YO BIG RAMbo 6 (squawk) BIG RAMBO 6 do you (squawk) copy?
    Yeah, Tony here. Dude we can’t get Grunt outta the calendar store (squawk) we need backup NOW. Maybe even some air support. Dude (squawk) I’m not shittin ya there’s some heavy (squawk) stuff goin’ down
    Huh? well the problem is he’s been outflanked by a coupla (squawk)dames, and I think they’ve taken him hostage. (Squawk) What? (squawk) Yeah i heard one of ’em say her name is Karen (squawk) huh? KAREN. what? Yeah Kilo-Alpha-R-E-N. I KNOW I gotta learn the rest of the alphabet but gimme an f’in break, man, I been (squawk) workin’ REAL HARD, ya know?
    I don’t know Dude I think the other one (squawk) starts with B… BUT DUDE Grunt’s in (squawk)serious trouble, man, these women are all over him about some (squawk)calendar or somethin’ and he’s starting to get that wild look in his eye. Yeah dude THAT look…(squawk) the one he gets right before he strips naked (squawk) (SQUAWK) and starts shooting that pistol and all (squawk)heck breaks loose.
    I don’t know man I’m startin’ to freak a little ‘cuz these dames, man, they (squawk) look freakin’ SERIOUS. Like they’re on some kinda Holy Mission ‘n shit.(squawk)
    Grunt!!! NO!! Hey man don’t… (squawk) Ah SHIT RAMBO 6 I gotta go. That freakin’ B dame she’s (squawk) starting to help Grunt take off his Kevlar. Oh man …
    Send air support NOW. Over… (squawk)

  24. Karen – Yeah, I’d think timing would be a BIG worry for these calendar stud wannabes – you know some of these guys are getting a little long in the tooth (RELAX CapB, I said the tooth…) and, while their weight might hold steady, they’re contents are definitely gonna start shifting.
    If they’re gonna be showing the goodies, it better be soon or … well it’s not gonna be Soooo Good.
    Hell we might even have to move Mr. January to December if he’s showing signs of aging…
    Thank god for us discerning women there’s always a newer younger model puttin’ on the uniform. We kittens have always prided ourselves on our high standards
    and we’re not gonna lower them for some jarhead has-beens who can’t get their act together.
    The clock’s ticking Taco, B, Marty…

  25. And PS – anybody got anything to “dish” yet on AF Sis and Joe? I wonder how they’re…uh…making out.

  26. Well kittens it’s been great fun playing with y’all, but Cap B has agreed to take it on the road with me and I gotta start writing our routines. You didn’t really think HE was the brains behind the blog, did you???
    So as soon Mrs B frees him from time out we’ll be heading to a gin joint near you. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he dresses way cooler than when he used to tour with that Tenille dame.
    Oh and, Cap B? Bang.

  27. Concerned Grunt, About those care packages, the contents are a secret surprise, but rest assured Bridget and I will not be sending any chocolate Easter bunnies during the summer months!

  28. If anyone is feeling corrupted especially since the Capt. thinks we are going to hell, go to anysoldier and send a care package to a Chaplain (then start all over again?)

  29. I think the wimmins scared the Grunt away.
    That, or we need to send out search and rescue as he apparently hasn’t been heard from since he began to take off his kevlar!

  30. If you want a visual on Grunt, I suggest you set up a coupla checkpoints on the road to hell. I think he, Kilo-alpha-R-E-N and that B-dame commandeered a hummer, threw their kevlar to the side of the road, shouted out a Big, Hard YAHOO and flashbanged their way outta town.
    I know I’ll never see ’em again ‘cuz angels like me don’t travel that road…..

  31. Always a dilemma on which road to take there Big Rambo…heaven doesn’t want me and hell’s afraid I’ll take over!

  32. Grunt’s on his own, he’s hiding at another Marine’s house! I hate to beat a dead horse…so to speak…but the Capt’s hard drive is STILL not up to par. No email. So much for the original Mighty Marine. *sob*

  33. Ooo, oooo, Mrs. Diva! Maybe he tripped over his gladiator skirt and can’t get UP! I bet he’s like some upturned turtle, arms and legs waving in the air, kinda rollin’ and gruntin’ and strugglin’ and hopin’ NO ONE sees him!!

  34. Mrs. Diva, I can certainly sympathize with trying to send Capt. B something by email. I sent him something very patriotic going around the net a couple weeks ago and I got it back. We can only hope that if he’s in our calendar the shot(s) were taken before the hard drive problems began.

  35. “Grunt’s on his own, he’s hiding at another Marine’s house!”
    Mrs. Diva, would you be referin’ to Taco’s place?? Looks like Grunt…er… himself over there!

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